She announced her abortion via fbk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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