Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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