WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
