do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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