I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
