Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
