I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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