operation have a gay friend backfired
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
