Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
