If i come over, it means nothing
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
