Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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