a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
