Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
