Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
