I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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