Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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