Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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