just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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