Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
