his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
