a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
