stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
