Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
