He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
