I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
