It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
