Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
