We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
