apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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