Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
