I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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