i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
