I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
