According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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