Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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