Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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