So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize