I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
