: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
