i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
