She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
