sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
