I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
