Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
