totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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