it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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