We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
