Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
