remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
