im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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