A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
