From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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