HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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