there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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