I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
