Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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