I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
