The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
