the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How external is "for external use only"?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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