Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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