I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
