It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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