I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
