I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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