cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
