somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
