I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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