I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
