she looked like the before picture.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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