just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
