They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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