I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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