Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
