Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
