quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
