not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
