Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize