I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You made out with two different species that night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
