Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
