then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
