I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
