i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
