I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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