Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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