It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
