Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
