you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize