my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize