i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am mentally ready for anal.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
