It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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