I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
