too bad you live with your parents still
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
