I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
