I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
